Alone in a dark room

I've not written for about a year now. And I find that I am most reflective when I am sad. Well, not sad per se. I would call it a state of silence. Where you feel like you are in a dark room. Alone.

I will not say that my life is empty. I am in fact, making an attempt to make it, the opposite of that. But it is very important to put oneself in that "alone in a dark room" state every once in a while to really connect with ourselves.

Mistakes. We all make them, don't we? But sometimes our mistakes get pushed so far away that we lose out on things. Important things. Important people. Important relationships. And in dearth of these relationships, you realize that there is a portion of you that just doesn't exist anymore. And if you really look hard in the mirror, you've turned into this person whom you don't recognize much. Neither recognize nor like.

To what extent should you permit a person to influence your thoughts? At the end of the day, there is that person inside of you begging to differ, forcing you not to change your way of thinking. When you hear such a voice, it really makes sense to shut off every other influence and listen to that inner voice. Who knows you better than that "little-person" inside of you? Why do you have to listen or get influenced by someone judging you or your actions?

When you let yourself be brainwashed enough to stop listening to that "little-person" and start believing this "influence", what do you have to justify to the people who believed in you being a good person, just the way you were? People who loved you regardless of your flaws? How does one pick up the shreds that are left of those relationships and move on?