To being in school - for love of education

When I was studying, all I ever wanted to do was get out of school, get away from exams, home work..and I always wondered why I was so bothered by school stuff. But thankfully for me, my mother subtly instilled stuff into me that put a Master's degree as a minimum requirement before I really thought about work. So though I cribbed and cried, I knew I had to have atleast a Master's in hand. Now having said that, it was during my Master's..somewhere during this period that I really started enjoying the process of learning. But I guess I was so used to being pissed with studies that I never really realised that I had started to enjoy educating myself. Now I am at a point where my teacher writes an occasional mail to me, on every important step of my life..asking me how I am, and how she really thinks that I am a gifted student. And I can't help but wonder if I made a hasty choice rushing out of school..Something about me that my teacher can see and I cannot. Something about school that workplace can never have. Something about education that is absent in the process of money making. Some cleanliness about learning that is messed up in the world of application of that knowledge. Some joy in sowing that is missing in reaping.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Birthdays...milestones that life subtly slips in to reflect, to look back at how things went the past year, whether I am happier and more satisfied.., whether I did something worthwhile, met people who really made a difference, interacted with personalities that made me thank God I am not like them, or whether I am just another year older...I am happy I am at a point where birthdays still are exciting and dont make you feel like an old hag...I am excited life has so much to offer, so much to test from me, so much to desire..

24 is such a wonderful age..its like its better than 21 or 18..I mean its uncanny and strange but I just seem to love the number 24!! Its like I am at a stage where I am self sufficient at the same time petted like a kid, can manage things on my own at the same time, have people to spoil me..grown up yet a baby..! It is such a wonderful age...As I step into another year, that may have surprises and its own share of stumbles, I am thrilled to be stepping into a whole new world, a world that is perhaps going to make the most difference in my being..! Here's to being 24, to life, to togetherness, and to joy!! Happy Birthday to me!!

Do I like being me?

Self exploration...something that probably each one of us does, but do we really take what we find seriously? Or do we even explore into ourselves that cynically? Do we dare to look at our faults and correct them? What is the actual ultimate purpose of life? Is it the fact that I look into the mirror one day and smile seeing what I see? Am I a complete individual in that sense? Am I going towards being one? Do I actually like myself? What I have made of myself, my beliefs, my thought processes, my justification of right and wrong, my regrets, my choices. And at the end of the day, does it really matter if my neighbor thought I was a lovely person just becasue I walked his dog every day? Or the only thing that actually makes any sense is the inner sense of being, the fact that I believed in what I thought I wanted, stuck on to it till the end? Do our impressions and ideals ever change over time? Or do they just undergo transitions so gradual that they seem to be rock solid?

Anger

Anger..Such a powerful emotion. Anger due to things just not moving your way. Things standing still. Life just standing still. Rotting. Decaying. But does it really matter so much that things dont go your way? Or is it just a desparate need to always have life on its toes that we are suddenly threatened when it wants to sit down, take a break? We are so driven by the speed, that even a moment of silence is deafening. It is the kind of feeling that you get when you are in a dark room, by yourself. A feeling where there is no breath, no life, no energy. Just silence. And again, are we really given a choice to be joyous or to mourn life's surprises? Or are we just puppets prancing to this incredible force, with no control whatsoever in what we do or have?

Presences...

Among the people that walk in and out of your life, who are the ones that really stick? Who are the ones that make you want to remember..? The human mind is so sharp that it forgets what it chooses to, and picks up and holds on to stuff that it wants to. So among this huge conglomeration of people you actually meet, who are the ones that your mind picks? Are these the ones that influenced your heart the most, that said things you wanted to hear, that listened to you, or the ones that opposed you, no matter what? And does time have anything to do with it? Isnt it strange how some people, just by being what they are, doing what they do, manage to make a place for themselves in lives?

Life doesnt always bring the best surprises with it. It brings lessons. Lessons it makes us learn and understand irrespective of our choice. Presences that instill themselves in our mind and heart. And when you want to pick up your life and move on, do those presences really ever leave us? Or are they now a part of us for now and for good?

Completeness

Completeness...What is it really? What is it that we all want to achieve in life to feel complete? Love, education, success, fame, togetherness, contentment, money? And is it always in the same order? Is it the same list for everyone? Or it something much above these? Is it something we think we know and enjoy but isnt really? Is completeness so unrealistic that we all only feel the partial ecstasy everytime we think we are complete? Life is so short that we want to pack everything in it. In every single moment..In every passing second and is it only when we are full of life..overfed with what it has to offer that we realise..is this what I wanted...in other words..is this what I ordered..? Or are we ever full of life? Are we ever complete?